I'm graduating college next semester. I don't know where I'll be going. I've been applying to grad school. UCLA is in, USC and Columbia are next, Boston University is in February, I'm still on the fence with Florida State University and I've been advised to apply to a few more schools. I don't want to go to NYU anymore. I'm looking into Georgetown University and UC Berkeley. I'm wary going to any UC because of their recent funding problems, but we'll see.

On December 1st, when I get the major grad school applications in, I'm applying to a lot of jobs for possible work. I'll be applying to San Francisco/Bay Area, Los Angeles area, Chicago, Boston, Manhattan (I'd live in Jersey) and the DC Metro Area. I've also been advised to look into London, Prague and Germany, but I don't know. I'd like to stay in the country, but again, we'll see.

Next semester classes have been chosen. I'm doing well in my classes this semester, even though I had to drop microeconomics. The other four are doing swell. I don't like my internship anymore but it's shown me that I have an aptitude in marketing/design, public relations and promotion. My classes have also opened my eyes to producing over filmmaking. I haven't felt this inspired in awhile.

Currently I'm writing a new novel for NaNoWriMo, one that has a niche market and will be easy to sell. It's coming out well I think. It's completely out of my comfort zone since I'm talking feminism, gender politics and male privilege, but it's turning out to be a fun challenge and I'm enjoying it. I enjoy that I'm learning who the characters are the more I write the novel. It's a great journey. I'd also like to say that writing this new novel is turning out to be another purging for me, so I hope that proves to make some good writing.

I'm still trying to sell Child in Time. My professor gave me a lot of encouragement into keep trying to sell it. It took him ten years to write the novel he's now getting published from a publisher in San Francisco and he had about twenty-something rejections until he finally got accepted. A good inspiration and I am happy to call him a mentor, especially in my last year. I'm also looking to get a documentary idea off the ground. Now that I have the mountains of research, the next step is to find a crew who would like to dedicate themselves to this idea and to get the assistance/allegiance from the non-profits I need for the documentary. Once that is done, it's onto the funding aspect.

Metallica at MSG in a few days and honestly I'm not excited at all about it. It's probably because I'm so busy thinking about other things in my life that are more important and pertain more to me that I just don't care anymore. Or maybe I'm depressed. Probably both, considering the late hour. In any case, I'd just like to say I really miss Hoan a whole lot and I do hope I get to go home for Thanksgiving. I miss my best friend more than words can say.

As the year comes to a close, I've learned a lot about myself. I've grown up a lot. I've gained a few people, lost others, reevaluated my life and myself and I can say I like where I'm at right now. It's scary, because I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing. I've always been a future-oriented person and I always like to have set plans, set goals, set anything. But life did butt its head in and now I feel absolutely clueless. I have no idea what my dreams are anymore. But I'm learning. I have goals and aspirations and I am making myself a damn good support team so I can be a successful person. I'm learning how to reign myself back and learn to listen. I'm becoming more responsible and owning up to my actions. It's all a learning process. I'm young so I gotta learn.

A great thing I've learned is that in the field I might want to get into (television/film producing), it's all about bringing yourself out there, taking risks and making things happen. If there's anything from my childhood that at least is coming true, it's the fact that I am fulfilling my dream of finishing college in four years (the first of my family to do so), that I'm at least trying to go to grad school after college and that I know what I am good at doing. It's a scary time right now but unlike senior year, I won't let myself freak out no matter how desperately I want to. Throwing myself into the unknown haphazardly and without second thought for my undergrad was possibly the greatest thing I could do to myself, the greatest gift my mom could give me, because I can flat-out say that if my mom had told me "no, you're not going to the east coast, you're staying home and going to a JC and then transferring to Berkeley," I can say with confidence that would've happened. So thanks mom, you did the right thing. Instead of me freaking out like a worry wart ala high school, I'm excited for the unknown. Because I know I can not only handle it, but adapt well and excel in my new foreign surroundings and make it into my home.

In closing, my paid LJ will run out soon and I will not renew it. Time for me to leave and open my own blog with my portfolio and other work on the site. More info coming soon. :)

What is it with me having shitstorms getting to the venues of shows that end up being possibly the best shows I've ever been to? Newark was like this, Tampa was like this, and now Charlottesville. This truly is the FML tour, LOL.

( Read the rest here! )

Bulleted of course.

- I love Kady and John
- Lars and I had another moment during One and yes I got emotional
- I cried during Sanitarium
- I lost my shit during Through the Never
- Hetfield is awesome
- Kirk is rad
- Rob is smexy
- I love Lars
- I love Kady
- I love John
- Cynthia is cool!
- Did I mention I love Lars?
- Bill. Must. Die.
- I love Kady and John

More later after I return home to DC.

http://cobrasnaps.livejournal.com/288469.html
http://cobrasnaps.livejournal.com/288988.html

And the concert this Saturday on the 3rd in Tampa.

And now, a meme from Kady (again).

Search through your library of metal music and answer each number with a SONG that has THAT word in it (if possible).

I fail 15 times, lol.

( Click here. )

Why are you taking yet another shuffle quiz?
Song: Melee
Artist: Russian Circles
Comment: Because I love this song and I want everyone to fall in love with Russian Circles?

( More underneath. )

And now back to work/homework.

This post is pretty useless but I wanted to make a note of this to myself: goddamn I love Alice in Chains and one of these days I want to hug Jerry fucking Cantrell.

Goddamn great album. I love this song.

I'm kind of exhausted-- okay not kind of, REALLY exhausted, so I want to say that the show was absolutely amazing. There was no crush since most of the people there were 40s and over. I had a lot of fun. I went with Al and Al's dad. Al's mom stayed in the hotel-- his parents flew down from Boston after his mom and dad's ballroom dancing competition!! They had barely NO sleep in them! Man, tough cookies. Keith took Al's mom's ticket so it was all good. I loved being with Al's dad, what a cool guy, and it was great seeing Al again at the show.

My next show is going to be so awesome. I can't wait. What is that, you ask? Why, it's me, Al, John (god_damn_me and Kady randomvacancy heading to Tampa, Florida on October 3rd to see Gojira, Lamb of God, and some ol' band named Metallica. :D I can't fucking wait, how awesome is that going to be? All the Metclubbers, the show, the meet-up, the fun times ahead. It's going to be such tits.

But before that I have to work my ass off like I've been doing for my classes. I have two tests coming up for my microeconomics class and my astronomy class. I'm going to definitely work my butt off so I can do really well on them. Reading for the two classes every day really helps out. I also have to start applying to my grad schools, eep! Now that I know what my list is, I have to solidify on what to do for each of them as well as continue studying for my GREs for Boston University. My friend Matt wants to help me study for them since he's taking them as well, so I have to set up times with him soon.

Now that I've done this update it's time to go and take a shower, eat some easy Mac, hit the hay and wake up for some good breakfast in the morning, read some Microeconomics and go to class.

After a long day of working on Saturday, I get woken up at 1AM and find that my good friend of ten years, ravensgurl211, gets attacked on someone else's journal, evilgmbethy's-- someone I used to have on my own flist until I decided to randomly let her go in the beginning of this year. It wasn't anything personal; those who know me very well understand I go through periods of distrust and get rid of the people I don't feel comfortable around and don't feel that we have anything in common. Essentially I understand I should just use the friends list filter here on LJ, but eh, it's all good. This journal is 99% public anyway which I have done so I can get over my feelings of distrust (hurrah growing up with mutism).

But this post isn't about me. It's about what happened between Sarah and Bethy while I was away doing homework and work. Understand that I'm just riffing it here without thought (as a rant should be amirite) so bear with grammar and spelling errors folks.

If you don't know who totally_fierce is, I'll give you a short scoop. Her name is Nikkie. I was friends with her back-in-the-day until I realized there was nothing really connecting between the two of us. I didn't feel comfortable so I let her go as a friend here on my flist. Simple, right? Well she never unfriended me. Ever. And I believe I unfriended her sometime around, like, 2006, 2007? Yeah. So I just let it go, whatever, it'll eventually happen. The journal went public anyway in 09 so fuck it, right?

Sometime ago I found out in wrestling fandom, Nikkie does not have a great reputation. Needless to say, it's pretty shitty. She's known quite simply as a crazy fanatical woman. She was known back then as Nikki and she frequent boards such as the now defunct Lady Jackyll and other places. She used to talk to herself in chatrooms and she also used to sockpuppet as two different people here on LJ. She also used to rage at people for no real reason– and if there was a reason, it was so little that it boggled people's minds and wonder what the hell was up with her. She raged on and on, making a ruckus out of things, foamed at the mouth whenever someone speaks against her. She attacked the kayfabe like it was real, blamed everything wrong on McMahon and absolutely went crazy to the point of fear-inducing-to-others hysteria about her favorite wrestlers.

Now common sense tells us (as well as the movie Bambi) one essential rule: "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." What the saying is missing is the quiet little clause that's tacked at the end saying, "Except for people who obviously bring on the wank because it's totally needed for the lulz." Thumper had no idea the powers of the internet. Anonymity is fun.

For something like this though, there was no anonymity. Sarah has been accused (rightly so) by Bethy for basically copy-pasting a locked entry of Nikkie's onto a f-locked comm (kirtanglefans, your #1 source of mockery and all things wrestling). As quoted from Bethy's public journal, "Lord knows I am no saint, but there is a line. Everyone expects that what goes behind a friends' cut is safe in their friends' hands." So right there and then, that's crossing a line. No one should do that. That's just plain old wrong.

What is this post Bethy speaks of? The post Sarah is being accused of dealt with Nikkie having a Twitter and wanting to send Chavo, a wrestler, a twit saying that Tylene, a wrestler that Nikkie likes, also has a twitter. Basically it was mocking Nikkie for going crazy for being twittered by Tylene. All it said at the end of this copy-pasting was one line of mockery: Does anyone else find it odd that she even has friends? So two posts copy-pasted, one line said and someone gets mad about this.

Understandably so! I do understand where Bethy is coming from. There is a line. You do not copy-paste what is behind a person's friends cut into another place where people can read and then mock. I get that and so I say to you Bethy: you are right in your anger. That's totally cool that you are angry and outraged at what Sarah did. It got under your collar and heated you right up and it makes perfect sense, because if I was on that side of the fence, I would be angry too!

Unfortunately, I cannot side with you on this matter Bethy. I am not on your side of the fence, I am on the other side. I am with Sarah, but of course that's understandable, since I've been Sarah's friend for ten years and she's been in my corner so many times that it's obvious I'm going to stick up for her and her actions as well as justification for them as well.

There is justification behind this. This will probably piss Bethy off further since this probably went under her radar, but y'know, it's good to get this out. I'm not really sure anyone who has ever been in the KAF knows this, but I'll give ya'll a little scoop about the comm I used to mod.

In the comm kirtanglefans, a community I used to mod until I voluntarily stepped down (I stopped watching wrestling after the death of Chris Benoit), we mock everything and everyone. The community was birth out of a joke that happened one crazy night in June some three years ago I believe. There's been some wank (in a wank comm, the irony is not lost on me), there's been some craziness, but generally, it's a cool comm and I'm glad I was apart of it.

What I think is being failed to come to light is that in this community, Nikkie here was blatantly made fun of, even when Nikkie was still in the comm herself. No one could barely stand to be around her. She always flew off the handle, attacked people who didn't agree with her, called people very dirty and wrong names that further added fuel to the fire, and posted self-gratuitous posts about her current fixation, Mike Knox, much to the chagrin of everyone in the community. For the most part, she was ignored, but the jabs against Nikkie were done against her, even to her face, and mostly, she ignored them as well. To this day, I don't know if she did that on purpose or if she was that oblivious to them. I do sincerely think on the latter, because if she hasn't defriended me by now, I think she never will.

Now here's my side of the fence on this whole thing. In the terms of the internet lulz, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what Sarah has done. It's been done over and over in the KAF. To others who aren't on Nikkie's side, it's quite hilarious. But for those who are not on the "lulz" side, then no, it is not hilarious. It's wrong and not right and Sarah shouldn't have done that.

I personally don't see the harm in what Sarah has done. The act wasn't right, which I agree with Bethy on whole heartedly. I agree that you should not copy-paste what is friends only in someone's journal and mock them. However, I disagree in the severity. I believe Bethy means that you don't do that for anyone's f-locked journal whatsoever, no matter the content. And yet she said that Bethy herself is no saint. Someone else in the comments said that she was no saint. In a journal, talking about what someone else said in their f'locked journal in a filtered post or a f'locked journal of yourself, of course that's happened. No one is a saint when it comes to this journal wankery.

I do believe in the safety of our little instant messengers, we can say what we want to the person on the other side without fear of persecution because who in their right mind is going to check instant messengers anyway. Mockery should go under the carpet, and the only time it's acceptable is if it's posted publicly and everyone is making fun of it. Safety in numbers and whatnot. Either safety in numbers or safety within the confines of something private.

While I do believe that Sarah would've been better off posting it in her journal -- as in that way she could claim the whole 'it IS my journal and I can post and say what I want in it' right to privacy thing there -- I don't think what Sarah has done is in any way shape or form detrimental to Nikkie in the slightest. Sarah didn't go and copy-paste something that was actually needing to be f'locked. Sarah didn't go and make fun of a dead loved one of Nikkie's, or make fun of anytime Nikkie was sick, or make fun of Nikkie's relationship situation. (So you know these are hypothetical situations-- I haven't read Nikkie's journal since 2006.) Sarah didn't do any of that. It was basically poking fun of her obsession on Twitter with wrestlers. This could be done to me about how I could possibly have any friends with all the fucking Metallica that I have in my life, right? Would any of you be mad about that? Would you be mad if I got mad? Or would you laugh because I laughed?

Really something like that is not worth getting all angry over. It's not worth it. The act? Oh yes, I would get angry about that. Again, I'm with Bethy. But the content? That is circumstantial. If Sarah had gone and blatantly mocked a medical condition Nikkie had, I would personally see to it that I would go up to Newark and slap the shit out of her Mexican-style wondering what the fuck was up. But that's not going to happen because the content wasn't severe in my eyes and you can agree or disagree with me on that. The act, I understand, but the content, no. I can also understand the anger of a friend protecting a friend which is what Bethy is doing in Nikkie's case. It's not cool that Nikkie got made fun of in Bethy's eyes. Totally understandable as I am doing the same with me and Sarah's case. It's not cool that Sarah basically got called out and labeled untrustworthy and to further boot that if anyone was friends with Sarah to unfriend Bethy ASAP all because of this thing that has happened tonight. That made me angry. Very angry.

As Bethy said in her post, "Snarking is part and parcel of the LJ experience -- but the social contract has guidelines." This I agree with. "Snarking on something someone said in a community -- is a-ok." Right, this usually happens. "Snarking on someone's personal LJ -- meh." This I do not agree with because in my eyes, a person's LJ is their LJ whether public or private and they should have to freedom to say what they want without fear of persecution, but I digress. That is a matter for another time. "Snarking and COPYING friends locked material -- beyond the pale." I agree hands down, but this is all about the said material again. Not so severe in my eyes, severe in Bethy's.

When it comes the internet lulz, we are all guilty. When Bethy said "Lord knows I am no saint," she's right. None of us are. Private in an IM conversation, in a LJ community, publicly, mockery happens. It's the internet. If you can get away with it anonymously, you can show off the world you have the biggest dick of them all and giggle behind your computer screen and go about your daily lives as if nothing is wrong. (This happened with Kayla's friend Casey (isn't it nice when people make fun of a dying 19 year old cancer girl whose leg will be amputated and bowel functions probably lost on a forum? would you say that's crossing the line or would that be circumstantial because of the evidence? oh she posted it public, she's getting lambasted, right?) but again that's another issue.) If it is so stupid that you just have to mock it, it gets mocked. But whoever you mock ends up getting hurt and people on that side of the fence will get angry.

I would like to point out again that Nikkie's past isn't so sterling either, as stated above. She has hurt others in terms of privacy in the past as I'm sure we have all done as well. Was that ethical? Was that right? Or did no one get into a fuss about it because the people whom she did this to simply defriended her and that was the end of it? How come their stories went under the carpet and this one didn't? Sometimes it's best to go the nonplussed route and simply let it go. And sometimes it isn't enough. You gotta let it all out and get it into the open instead of letting it rot and fester within, which is what I did.

In the end this is all water under the bridge anyway. Bethy has her stance, I have mine. She's siding with Nikkie, I'm siding with Sarah. I agree and disagree with Bethy and wish all the best to Nikkie. I would like to say that if you are reading this Nikkie, will you please defriend me now after three years? Thanks. I'm sure you have better friends now than me anyway.

( i love motorhead. )

did i mention i went to this show with one hour of sleep in me after working five and a half hours at the internship? and that i had barely no food in me?

write up tomorrow. work at twelve noon. i am so happily fucked.

long live motorhead.

You can learn a lot about someone by the music they listen to. So here is the game! Hit shuffle on your ipod or mp3 player and write down the first 25 songs. No cheating or skipping songs that are shameful. That is what makes it fun!

1. Imperium - Machine Head
2. Dream of Mirrors - Iron Maiden
3. We Are The Champions - Queen
4. Slow Jamz - Kanye West
5. I Crudeli - Ennio Morricone
6. Die Die My Darling - Metallica
7. Austin Powers Saying "Yeah Baby" - David Cross
8. Pilgrimage - Nine Inch Nails
9. The Dropsonde - Caspian
10. Three Doors - VAST
11. Tearing A Hole in the Paper Sky - Kerry Muzzey
12. Cuzco - E.S Posthumus
13. 1921 - The Who
14. The Walkin' Blues - Royal Crown Revue
15. Alexithymia - Anberlin
16. The Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy
17. Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
18. Il Salto Dell'Angelo - Roberto Cacciapaglia
19. Cum On Feel The Noize - Quiet Riot
20. Bandoneon Arrabalero - Osvaldo Pugliese
21. Silent Sea - KT Tunstall
22. Achilles Last Stand - Led Zeppelin
23. Purify - Neurosis
24. End Over End - Foo Fighters
25. Something Else Or.. - Volbeat

This week was not a good one. Two of my friends are dead, food poisoning, ankle sprain (it's almost healed by now), lots of hours at work (I'm still grateful for them), lots of homework (grateful too), and then finding out something that really set me off pretty much.

Today I was going to go to Arlington but instead I'm going to do my homework and clean my room. I think I will clean the outside too, the living room and kitchen. It would be nice if people could show up later today so we could play Guitar Hero: Metallica, but I don't have anyone here who would indulge in that pretty much. It's all good though. This is a part of my therapy.

Speaking of therapy I REALLY need to fix my guitar. It's driving me insane wanting to learn this Machine Head song and I can't because I have no strings. That's no worries though, I'll get some from Al when he comes back from Labor Day weekend I think. Or at least find a place where I can get some. Maybe they can fix my loose jack in the guitar body.

Anyway, hope you are all fine. I'm dealing. Living. I'm grateful to be alive. I'll go to Arlington tomorrow to clear my mind and I'll be okay.